Relationship & Dating Blog
Exclusive relationship and dating tips, secrets & advice from our team of psychologists.
“You need to realise that in order to have the energy you need for yourself and others, you will need to say no to people on a regular basis – regardless of their reaction to you”
Dr Georgina Barnett, Counselling Psychologist
Full article at Royal Bank of Scotland private customers https://rbsprivate.contentlive.co.uk/content/how-to-say-no
Dr Georgina Barnett has a doctorate in Counselling Psychology and has worked for fifteen years in the fields of therapy, coaching and group facilitation. She is passionate about helping people fulfil their potential and achieve their goals. Over the past five years she has dedicated herself to the area of relationships and matchmaking at Seventy Thirty, and continues to coach and write on these subjects. Her latest book The Mottos, aims to help people build and maintain a wonderful relationship and is packed with advice on how to deal with everyday relationship hurdles.
Read more https://www.soulventure.com/psychologist-georgina-waters/
We are given an insight into ourselves on a monthly basis when our banks provide us with a statement detailing our incomings and outgoings, deposits and expenditures. While the data contained therein is largely numerical and functional, catalogued and listed column by column and row upon row, the information that can be gleaned is invaluable in that it offers a truly sanitised reflection of our habits, whims and priorities. In addition, it provides us with a true statement of our outlooks and approaches through the prism of our financial transactions, our cash withdrawals, card payments and online purchases, forming a composition of our mental make-up.
So what kind of statement is yours? What does it say about you and your attitude to the fundamental areas of your life? Are you a spender or a saver? Is your financial forecast long-term or short-term? Do you like your gratification instant or delayed? Our relationship with money can be very telling of our relationships with the people in our lives, nowhere less so than in our romantic ones. Could it be that those predisposed towards saving and investing are more likely to favour monogamy and equally to invest more in the relationship itself? Are the serial spenders and compulsive clickers more fickle and fleeting in their pursuit of love and consideration of a partner?
When it comes to accruing personal wealth, how we play the markets can be a strong indication of our approach to relationships. Do we stick to the tried and trusted, diversify our assets, do we embrace risk or play it safe, do we take a chance on the unknown entity or wait for someone to prove their worth? Are we looking for an immediate return on investment or to reap significant dividends further down the line? Our natural inclinations to perceived value and worth encompass numerous aspects of our lives. While no-one wants to be emotionally overdrawn or paying excessive rates of interest on their relationships, it is important to take into account the extent to which your attitude regarding your love-life invariably defines its inherent worth, as well as the quality and depth of its resultant experiences.
To budget for relationships is as much about creating time and making effort to attract people into our lives who will enrich it. In financial terms, it is perhaps much less of a priority as in the earlier stages of a relationship there is never any guarantee of success, while once stability is established it becomes ever easier to take things for granted. Those who are truly wealthy seek continually to maintain, consolidate on, expand and pass on their fortune. Equally those seeking to build wealth might believe and behave as though the worth was already realised, acknowledging the inherent value in a particular venture and seeking less to extract value from it but to contribute value to it.
Should a first date be dinner or coffee? For some, the idea of being stuck with someone they don’t turn out to like makes coffee a safer option. If this should be the case, why default to a couple of flat-whites in a high-street chain? By affirming someone’s existing value and worth, could coffee not be an espresso martini in a sumptuous hotel-lounge or a couple of cups of a quality roast from a market stall and a stroll round the park? Likewise an exquisite bouquet of roses or a weekend at the spa is not reserved solely for birthdays, Valentines or anniversaries. Economy has only ever been a means of exchanging value and so the ultimate aim should always be to enrich the lives of the ones we love and care about.
So whether you spend or save, try to think about the manner in which you are doing it and your essential reasons for doing so. Treat your relationships as your most valuable asset and never miss an opportunity to show someone how much they mean to you. Consider to what extent your financial habits serve you, define you and add real value to your life. Make sure your future clicks and taps reflect your future goals and appreciation for others, as well as your heart’s desire.
Social media has in many ways made communication and connection much easier than it ever was before. It reduces distances to a Skype call, and means that there is rarely a reason to not keep in touch with loved ones, our lives now neatly displayed in a digital version across Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, to name a few. This is a wonderful innovation to bring us closer together, however the Seventy Thirty Specialist Matchmakers look at the negative effect it can have on areas in intimate relationships with our partners.
* Time: Having constant access to material and information, can result in social media consuming much more time in everyday life then one realises. If you are not aware and do not keep track of this, it can land up taking away from the time you have to talk to your partner, and build the relationship.
*Distraction: How often have you lain in bed and been scrolling through Facebook, rather than taking that time to connect with your partner after a long day. Even if you are talking, are either of you really listening or trying to catch up with the latest news on social media? Put your phones down when you get into bed and do not pick them up again until the morning.
*Always Active: When was the last time you took some time out and thought, felt, focussed all your attention on your partner, or yourself? Social media has become an added drain as it is always active. Too often now days, if someone has time off, instead of investing it into relationships, it will be used to see what is happening in the greater world. Social media never turns off and this means that now we also too struggle to turn off. Look to press the power button and take time out.
*Privacy: What happened in the past, could be left in the past, and we could move forward, and choose how to share those stories and memories. However, now as much of life is shared on the ever evolving face of social media, it can be there to stay. Now our past and present partners have found a place to meet – on the playing field of social media. This can lead to seeing things about your partners, or them about you, that you would prefer not to see or share. A good rule for this is do not snoop, as this raises paranoia and undermines trust, and think carefully before cataloguing your entire life online.
When it comes to relationships, keep strong boundaries. Set the time aside for your relationship and do not let that be eroded by distraction or constant activity. The person there in front of you, is much more deserving of your full attention, then the hundreds that surround you by the virtue of virtual reality.
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