Relationship & Dating Blog
Exclusive relationship and dating tips, secrets & advice from our team of psychologists.
Take steps towards your goals every day and take a positive stance in the face of any set-backs. Remember the most successful people in relationships are the ones who are proactive, aware and positive in their approach, whether this is to find a partner or to create a magical relationship. As the old adage goes ‘true love isn’t found, it’s built’.
First-date nerves are par for the course and Jake was no exception. As he made his way to the Mayfair private members’ club, Marks, often frequented by the likes of David Cameron and Boris Johnson, the 47-year-old venture capitalist struggled to contain a “rush of anxious energy”.
He needn’t have worried. Utterly charmed by Anna, a glamorous 38 year-old PR executive (“She was so stunning, I almost knocked over my glass of water”) Jake married her seven months later.
But this was no ordinary whirlwind romance. Jake had travelled over 3,000 miles from New York to meet London-based Anna, whom he was introduced to by Seventy-Thirty, a matchmaking service that helps high net-worth individuals find love, wherever in the world they are based.
The new jet-set dating elite don't let oceans get in the way of finding true love.
The couple are very much typical of this new jet-set dating elite – the super-rich whose lives are so international they don’t see a few oceans as a barrier to true love.
Seventy-Thirty has a global membership of around 2,000, with the majority of their clients aged between 30 and 60. When its Managing Director, Lemarc Thomas told Jake he had found the perfect match for him in London, Jake saw it as opportunity not a problem.
“The dating scene in New York is too aggressive for me,” he explains. “I travel a lot and I’m more drawn to the effortless sophistication of European women. Anna sounded intriguing so I flew out to meet her the following weekend.”
Continue reading in Telegraph
Understand: Each partner in the relationship should play an equal role. There should be a balance in what the two parties contribute to the relationship in order to create a workable status quo. You do not have to contribute the same things; the key is to show that you are putting in as much as you would like to receive in terms of love, support and communication.
A little flirting is healthy, fun and sometimes completely automatic (or unintentional). We have written about all about the art of flirting and how it helps in those initial stages of forming a romantic connection. However, following the release of our flirting blogs, we received many enquiries about the negative side of flirting.
Naturally when we are attracted to someone without any intent, we may flirt through our body language, pupils dilating, tone of voice changing. Flirting behaviors is culturally universal and also evident in animals. This is happening unconsciously, however, flirting can also be very deliberate, we can learn the art of flirting and whilst this can be all playful and fun. Perhaps there is a dark side that we should explore....
Abusing power or flirting to get our own way
Often people flirt with another for personal gain. This may be for something simple and harmless, such as a drink on an evening out – but can lead to individuals flirting for other reasons, such as promotion at work, which is affectionately termed Flirking, but scientifically coined as ‘strategic flirting’. However, Females who are in a masculine dominant environment and engage in flirtatious smiles at work or playing dumb for attraction sake, have been found to be treated with less respect or left out of promotions/meetings2.
Flirting to get our own way can also be seen in relationships – you may affectionately speak with your partner, doing something you know they find irresistible before asking them to fix the toilet seat, or drop the bombshell that your parents are coming to visit – although intended to be harmless, this use of flirting can be seen as manipulation and can lead to hard feelings and mistrust.
Leading people on for self-gratification
Often people will flirt for self-gratification with no intention of looking for a romantic partner or follow on dates – therefore simply using flirtatious behavior to make themselves feel more attractive, or more important. When these people flirt, they feel good, and the behavior is rewarded with a psychological buzz and hormonal release, boosting their own ego. They may flirt with someone, and when it is reciprocated, act shocked or as if they weren’t flirting – meaning the recipient becomes confused and less likely to trust their own judgment at finding a romantic mate.
People may also lead someone on for self-gratification when in a relationship – engaging in what they deem to see as ‘harmless flirting with no intention’ with a stranger. This leads us on to flirting whilst in relationships:
Being flirtatious with another whilst in a relationship - does this cross a boundary?
When you are flirting whilst in a relationship, but not with your partner, you are engaging in what is believed, from my own blog series, to being behaving as though sexually attracted to someone, but playfully rather than with serious intentions[1]. Primarily, this is leading someone on for self gratification, creating a sense that you are available. This ‘playful’ action provides you with the chemical and psychological boost described in my previous blog The Importance of Flirting [http://www.seventy-thirty.com/blog/2015/6/flirting-series-the-importance-of-flirting]. This chemical boost, alike to adrenaline, can become addictive, exciting, exhilarating. In tern, you find yourself needing to gain the boost from engaging in flirtatious behaviours and equally having these behaviours reciprocated – reciprocation is key as you are rewarded with what psychologists deem as ‘positive reinforcement’. After a period of time, you may find that this chemical boost will become something which you now cannot gain from your current partner, someone whom you are meant to love and care for, or from within your relationship. It will leave you questioning your own relationship for the forbidden fruit, the sexual desire.
Looking at flirting in a relationship from this perspective shows that flirting outside of the relationship does cross a boundary. You should be aware that your desire and particularly your actions on the desire, may begin to make your partner feel undervalued, unimportant and unable to satisfy you – this in tern creates an wedge between you both within your relationship. It is widely known that you cannot start an affair without fancying someone, and fancying someone – finding that important chemistry - comes from flirting.
Within the Psychological field, flirting with someone outside of your relationship can be seen as Relational Transgression (RT). RT happens when an individual breaks relationship rules – both spoken and expected. This psychological contract between a couple is hard to rebuild however, If you find yourself in this situation, speak with your partner and have open dialog on what is acceptable and how you both feel. Open communication is the foundation of a successful relationship, boundaries will enable you to both feel secure and safe - allowing you to both get your relationship back on track.
[1] http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/flirt
New Year’s Eve is one of the most exciting times of the year. It always promises to be a highlight on the social calendar. A night that shines bright with resolve for a beautiful new year ahead whilst celebrating the accomplishment of the year passed. If one is at the stage in your relationship where you are going to spend New Year’s Eve together with your partner, especially if it is your first one together, you should ensure that you offer an ultimate location, with luxury touches for an exclusive night of love and revelry. Here are some tips of our favourite international destinations to spend a night of glitz and glamour with the influential and affluent socialites of the party circuit.
The Classic - The Ritz, London, England
A grand black tie affair, New Year’s Eve at The Ritz is suitably filled of blue bloods and young bloods, this year with a 1920’s theme. Come tuxedo ready and enjoy a night surrounded by pure high-end elegance, re-living the Great Gatsby splendour.
Double Trouble - Sydney / Las Vegas
What is better than spending one New Year’s Eve together – spending two together! PrivateFly offers an elite package deal starting off the evening at an exclusive party at the Sydney Opera House at 8 pm in Sydney, Australia and then at 2 am be flown on the fastest private jet to Los Angeles, which is 19 hours behind. Start the night all over, arriving at 6 pm just in time for the Cleopatra Ball in Beverly Hills. Now that is what exclusive dating looks like.
Traditional - The Grand Ball, Vienna, Austria
Hosted at the Hofburg Palace in Vienna, the Grand Ball promises a traditional night of good –old fashioned decadence and decorum. Remember to wear your tails and ladies the shorter the sleeve, the longer the glove. Look forward to waltzing to the Blue Danube and performances by the Viennese State Opera. This is an evening fit for a princess.
Adventure - 12 Apostles Hotel and Spa, Cape Town, South Africa
For a sumptuous African experience that can be combined with a safari holiday, the 12 Apostles Hotel and Spa in Cape Town is the epitome of exclusive entertainment. With views over the ocean and mountains and a sumptuous 6 course meal over the evening on offer, this would suitably impress any fabulous date. Try something adventurous and have an African holiday.
The Beach - St Barts, Caribbean
New Year’s Eve in St Barts is a lavish and sexy celebration. Warm, blue water, white beaches and dazzling fireworks, makes it a lively love fest. Hire a villa, stay on a yacht or make yourself comfortable in the famous Eden Rock Hotel, and enjoy the beautiful beaches and bountiful parties. Go to Nikki Beach to people watch, lunch at Maya Restaurant and try get an invite to Roman Abramovich’s legendary New Year’s Eve party.
Skiing - St. Moritz, Switzerland
If the summer feeling is not for you, take your darling skiing. There is hardly a better option then St. Moritz, graced by celebrities and royalty alike. It is all about furs, fireworks and fun. Stay in the Kulm Hotel on the lake, which was established in 1864, party in the King’s Club and if you stay long enough you can catch the Cartier Polo tournament for exciting some snow polo. This exclusive location is both cosy and extravagant, the perfect romantic rendezvous.
With some many stunning choices on offer, there is a party perfect for your Cinderella or Prince Charming. If you don’t have a special someone on your arm, New Year’s Eve is a great opportunity to make new introductions, and if you need your very own cupid, Seventy Thirty, promises you the best in exclusive matchmaking. Wishing you a splendid night of celebration, may 2016 be a prosperous year of love, success and happiness for you and your loved ones.
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